Chapter 18

Unfortunately, the trauma of the Jens was far too heavy to take the news from Crip of a deathless world suddenly having death normally. At least, at first.

“There is no liberty without justice,” Trixie exclaimed, “There is no freedom without protection and our justice in our galaxy went to shit!! The CHILD barely trying to carry it out didn’t even understand because he was just a child. Carris was being molested by his Mom. Siasma would molest her own grandkids if she had them. Siasma got a thrill from destroying the minds of families, demon or angel, for life! She took her own hatred and trauma and removed all sense of justice from our world! That excuse of an angel destroyed us all shamelessly.

If I could go back I would kill her myself. I didn’t know women could be that evil. I didn’t know women could be that evil until Siasma. I didn’t even process it at the time, because I was indoctrinated to be passive and forgiving, my survival instincts offline! It took years after facing the abused child of death to even realize my survival instincts should have been stronger. Against that piece of shit woman!! Against my parents! But for what? Who would have protected me if I stood up? No one. Who would have helped the innocent? There was nothing we could have done. Even if I had known everything. At least I could have killed Siasma myself!! Then Ijin next for failure to protect ANYONE!”

“I can’t do anything,” Crip sobbed, “I don’t.. I don’t want to disappoint Miss Mayor. It is not in my hands. I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t even know who to go to. I’m on my own just trying to get by too Trixie!”

Now, when I start tonight’s brisket, I will try a new method with a slower glaze, Paka thought to himself. If I grill it just right I can hit the medium rare and maybe have a steamed side of buttered squash.

“I wouldn’t be allowed to kill Siasma or Ijin here on Gliese. I’d watch them walk around as they got away with their crimes or were eventually released and have to fake some false sense of peace. Every. Day. Even in their deaths I have no peace. Because it is, and never will be in me to hurt a child. Because I am not a sick twisted piece of shit. Neither was Carris, our literal death. He was broken. He didn’t ask for anything that happened to him. The universe doesn’t even have justice for him.”

“But you would save Oximon, Trixie. You would save those you love like your children,” Crip replied.

“As much as I could, as much as I had jurisdiction to. Here on Gliese, I’d have to do what professionals directed me to, to make sure I was doing it ‘correctly.’ If I had my mind now- back on Cyber when there were less laws- I could kill all of the offenders myself!!”

“You wouldn’t be strong enough, and you’d die trying,” Crip urged.

“Then I would have died trying rather than having to live with the horror that these freaks live in every city, casually registered or not, and we just have to DEAL WITH IT. We came from the stories NO ONE tells Crip. Where the family just sabotages itself. Where the people that are supposed to protect you do horrible things to you, and you just have to keep pretending. Forever and ever. Come to find it got worse than our parents. It gets as far as the parents sexually abusing their own family, and then expecting them to just survive that. With everyone looking the other way. Teaching innocents that they are unsafe from their birth. Why do you think it was Death that appeared, when Siasma and Ijin met? When Death was something it sounded like we weren’t going to have to deal with it if they had never met. Look at what their rotted minds did to him! How they abused him and us all! They showed THEY deserved the consequences of death. They deserved to suffer. But you know who suffered?? Because of them? Three FUCKING PLANETS!!!”

The grill might not be able to handle the amount of meat I bought at the store today, but I’ve got it defrosted, so if I make sure to get it turnt over at the right times I can get a few different textures, Paka continued to think to himself, scratching his bearded gray hairs from the couch.

“Our parents were not the best.. But they weren’t Siasma and Ijin bad.. I think,” Crip said, knowing full and well the light had shone on him and Trixie had been but a mere shadow. It wasn’t his choice where he was placed on the priority deck. It took him time to recognize that manipulation years later too. “I bet if Mom and Dad made it, maybe they would have changed.”

“Maybe they would have. Someone like Siasma never changes though. A woman does have rights, rights to claim where cruelty is being pushed upon her. People cannot hurt her physically. People cannot force her into a pregnancy, or put a forced pregnancy upon her. She has a RIGHT to decide when or IF she wants to risk her life doing that, and even at the beginning of that process,” she began to raise her voice, “But no woman has NO right, having living breathing children- to be murdering them or raping them. What a sad, pathetic excuse for an existence. Man or woman, they should face the same consequences. Instead, Siasma played victim to destroy MY WORLD. She molested my whole world,” Trixie shrieked, “I will never forgive her, not even in death. I don’t care how many preach to me!! I have nothing but the most menacing and disgusted feelings towards anyone like her. I’ve been shattered and mutilated in a way I can never put back together again. I would not be surprised if Carris were near me because I am ready to wield death against any threat to children in my protection. ANYONE.”

“No one is preaching to us,” Crip interjected, “But I get it.. no one can be really here for each other either, much more than what we have control of. We walk perfectly healthy, but the weight of the crimes against us is a burden that people who never have to know such things run as far away from as they can. As they should. They have a right to be happy. They have a right to not have to go through too much. They have a right to want a life of normalcy from start to finish. Where does that leave us? It doesn’t leave us a lot of places to feel a part of. Not even in the most advanced world we are in now…but look how far we have come still. Look at the small pieces of progress we made from nothing left. Look at what we do have even if.. Even if none of it is permanent..” he said. “We protect, and we work, and we do things right, and correctly, even with no reason to..with no internal feelings left. Doesn’t that make us real angels?”

“...If I could protect Oximon from whoever did this to Gliese, I could be,” Trixie muttered through the tears. Trixie and Crip rocked themselves on the floor, oscillating between shaking and stillness. They both knew they had to return to calm. They had to return to the presentation of complacent control. There was a limit and they always had to come back to this place, no matter what happened. “We have to make our appearances more.. upsetting. Tattoos maybe. We have to make scarier friends. We have to do things to make it look like we are the big boss. We can’t appear weak. We want the bad guys to think we are the big bad. We have to change everything.”

Then, once I get the meats seasoned I’ll pour some sparkling apple cider and have myself a wonderful feast, Paka thought to himself with delight. I’ll have to clean up the grill and get it nice for my barbeque tomorrow when I really bring it with some battered chicken wings.